The Moving Target
Success. That word is so loaded for me. For years I only had one vision of success. It is that same old song that young ladies are sold in some of the fairy tales that most of us read during our adolescent years. (cues up Auntie Anita for soundtrack purposes) On one side of the definition of success there were the staples…grow up, get a degree, get a good job or start a career, get married, buy a house and have kids. Maybe I would travel some or get a dog? Of course the biggest symbol of all was marriage. Nothing screams success more than being “Mrs. such and such”! I cringed as I wrote it just as my single sisters may have as they read it. My bad y’all….but we can’t deny that story that we were sold. I did a few of those things and I celebrated myself for having accomplished them. Okay let me be clear, I celebrated but I never really felt fulfilled. It’s like every time I would accomplish one of those ‘symbols of success’ it would feel very lack luster. There was this nagging inside that kept tugging at me. During my twenties and some of my thirties it felt as though I was on someone else’s journey. And then there is the other side of the coin. What happens when you don’t accomplish the things on the list? What then? Are you not considered a successful person? It got me to thinking….what does success mean to me?
I promise whenever I am tapped into the divine energy, the Universe responds. The subject started coming up in random conversations. I listened to my regularly scheduled podcasts and it was a subject that came up in some of the latest episodes. Shout out to The Friend Zone. If I am being honest I have redefined success several hundred times within my 41 years on this floating ball we call earth. I had to quickly subtract being married by 25. I deleted the degree at 30 and the kids by 40. I added more traveling, a dog and moving my residence around the country several times. See the previous unfinished post “Am I There Yet?”. It is a question that I am still asking. That’s probably why I never finished the post.
Grow up and buy a house they said. It will be fun they said. Listen here, that had to be one of the most trying and traumatic experiences I have ever gone through in my 41 years of life. While I can chuckle at the situation now, I am still unpacking that experience; so much so that I still battle with the idea of buying a home again. One thing I have learned throughout my life’s journey is that whenever I have to force something it is not for me. No ma’am. If it doesn’t flow easily then it is not for me. The crazy thing is that I feel guilt about having things flow so easily especially if I see a loved one battling with something I am flowing through breezily. Oh snap that rhymed. That is an entirely different discussion that requires wine. I digress.
So I am sitting here on this beautiful Saturday in Sherman Oaks and once again I am redefining what success means to me. For some reason it is starting to feel like a moving target. It feels so unfair at times. Or is it? This moving target causes me to stay on my toes and in a constant state of discovery. My definition of success changes each time I grow and my mind expands. Smaller triumphs are getting much more attention from me these days rather than the so called monumental achievements. For example, today has been a very successful day thus far. I got enough sleep last night & as a result I took Ari Gold for a longer walk than normal. (Something that is good both of us!) I sat down on my patio, drank a cup of coffee and finished 2 chapters of the current book that I am reading. I cleaned off my patio and vacuumed all of the cobwebs that little Miss Charlotte “I don’t pay any rent up in here” left on my patio. (For the record all spiders are named Charlotte. Read the book or just go with it) I cleaned my kitchen, made my bed, cleaned my bathroom rugs and took out my trash. I even started my website platform! Hallelujah! SUCCESS!!! Sister is feeling very accomplished! LOL!
You see, there are days when just getting out of my bed is the success for the day. There are days when surviving the code switching at work (that drains the life out of me) deserves a trophy! Those days are successful days for me as well. What do my future successful days look like? Hmmm…I am thinking they will be pretty similar to today. I want to rise with the sun instead of an alarm clock. I want to meditate before my feet hit the floor and set my intentions for the day without feeling rushed. I want to eat healthy foods and be good to my body throughout the day. I want to be of service to my family, friends and community. I am sure there will be some big items such as traveling and growing my businesses as well but I will remember to count the smaller accomplishments too! As sure as the sun shines I can guarantee the days will be filled with love and they will flow easily because that is a sign of success for me.
I saw a post on IG today that said “Decide what kind of life you want. Then say no to everything that doesn’t fit your vision”. I felt those words in my soul. I am going to stay in this vibration for as long as I can today. This is crucial while I am designing what kind of life I want to live going forward. The vision is becoming clearer and clearer. In the meantime, I am celebrating my clean space! Whooo hooo!